Dialing Down A Friendship

Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

Have you ever toned down a close friendship on purpose? Stepped back a little, distanced yourself from the friendship but not a total cut.

If yes, how did you dial down the friendship? And if you're okay with sharing, what led you to dial it down?

anika987 IL Hall of Fame

Wow..somehow mind waves between us is working

Just today i
Toned down..with my bestie..

Only reason is i
Found her taking my feelings for granted

I like her and was always there for her but somewhere i noticed that if she is quite upset over something..she becomes off with mr even if i have nothing to do with it..

This is just not for me but ask anyone who is nothing but nice to others..they will be taken for granted as they wont react back and tolerate.

So i decided i need tone it a bit and distanced myself a bit..kind of a break and also started to
Keep a little boundary..

Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

It often happens unwittingly over time. On purpose, I've done the dialing down a few times, and I'm doing it again now. This friend of mine still sticks to Covid rules with me, so she won't meet in person. But she's been going to other stuff for 12 months now—like graduations, weddings, baby naming ceremonies, meeting other friends, traveling abroad, long flights. It's not malicious, it's just that she chats with me on WhatsApp all the time and so doesn't wants to meet up like we used to. I've asked her about 6-7 times since January, but she always says no. It hurts when she sends me pictures from her other meetings and events. Talking to her about it hasn't helped. She just gives me nice excuses and vague answers.

Finally, I remembered my husband's any time advice: 'Have some pride.' I know definitely she doesn't do it by design, she just happens to take me for granted. But, my patience has run out.
So:
I've started to reply less often, ignoring some routine questions, and keeping responses very brief. Keeping topics generic like movies, TV. I haven't viewed or downloaded the last few times she shared photos or videos in WhatsApp with me. Now both my mind and phone are less cluttered.

Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

Wow indeed mind waves matching. : ) Yes, it is the being taken for granted. It gets annoying and difficult to tolerate after a while. I might be guilty of that sometimes but I explicitly say something like, "Hey, I am really mad at xyz for abc, misery loves company, I better take a break instead of making your mood also bad, maybe I'll go for a walk, or ice cream and Netflix.. catch you later."